My angel

3 Agustus 2016, 3.56 AM WIB


it’s early in the morning, I can’t sleep, well my sleeping routine is fucked up already. And it’s you going in my head, i thought i won’t be hurt for me to see you with another girls. I’m over it. But it’s my friend. And what if you fall in love with her, more than you did to me. I’m hurting, again. i thought i’m over you.

So I watched this Indonesian movie, “Mika”. It got me thinking, maybe this whole theory was right. I also ever read this poem and it just answers everything, like literally everything.

Angels

“It happens like this. One day you meet someone and for some inexplicable reason, you feel more connected to this stranger than anyone else—closer to them than your closest family. Perhaps because this person carries an angel within them—one sent to you for some higher purpose, to teach you an important lesson or to keep you safe during a perilous time. What you must do is trust in them—even if they come hand in hand with pain or suffering—the reason for their presence will become clear in due time.

Though here is a word of warning—you may grow to love this person but remember they are not yours to keep. Their purpose isn't to save you but to show you how to save yourself. And once this is fulfilled, the halo lifts and the angel leaves their body as the person exits your life. They will be a stranger to you once more.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

It's so dark right now, I can't see any light around me.

That's because the light is coming from you. You can't see it but everyone else can.”

— Lang Leav. “Love & Misadventure.” iBooks.

And this movie basically told me the same thing.


How do I start? hahaha you know when there’s so much going on in your head, but it’s hard to write it in sentence?


Well, maybe falling in love and broken heart will always going to be someone’s part of growing up. And usually, it happens in your teenage life, the first time of everything. Your first falling in love will thrill you the most, and also your first broken heart would hurt you the most. And, we, teenage, often see a relationship as pure as sharing an unconditionally love, that kind of love who will fight for everything to be with the one we love the most. Maybe that person help you to find who you truly are, maybe they teach you how to love yourself. Maybe this person comes when you feel like you’re not worthy, you didn’t feel wanted, you feel like you mean nothing to this whole world, maybe you feel like no one would ever love the darkest side of you, and suddenly this strangers came and say that you are the most beautiful creature they’ve ever seen, and your darkest side is their favorite. And suddenly every theory changes, every painful memories faded, you feel like life is a gift, and even earth is not the one who’s holding the gravity, it’s them. You worship them. You thank God, because you feel saved. You feel like they give you a meaning why you were born. This whole time you feel like an unworthy human being, but suddenly you feel so special. They literally save you. You finally started to love yourself and be grateful about this life, and you are able to be loved. You are not horrible. You ever felt that?

And the minute you feel all that miracles, that unexpected moment that you thought you would never feel. You feel like you’re the most special person on this whole wide world, because you are simply lucky to be saved. Actually almost everybody has felt that, to be saved. And that’s why the broken heart hurt the most, and almost every teenage girls are screaming about it.

When you finally realise you’re beautiful, you’re worthy, you are enough. Well, the lesson’s learned. and yeah, the angel has to leave the body, that’s the moment when finally you realise that you have to let them go. Maybe they hurt you, maybe they broke your heart, all the promises are just words. When it felt like hell to remember those words, “I will always fight for you, no matter how hard the condition is, I will love you unconditionally.” That hurts the most to see the fact that they actually left. They didn’t leave, it’s just simply the angel leaves their body. The lesson has ended, and I just simply have to take a higher class. I’ve passed this one..



So…




Dear everyone who feels the same way,

You don’t have to feel like this is your fault. You feel like at the end of the day that you’re not enough. That nobody will ever love you completely. They don’t have to be. You have to do it yourself anyway. And, you don’t have to hate them. Life will works for you, and you can’t be mad if life works for him too. He deserves to be happy, like you do right? You just have to try… to simply see it as a passed lesson. He was a good teacher, he taught you well. And let it remain untouchable. Leave is as a good memories, he will always be part of you, part of who you are now, because maybe without them you won’t be here now, so you don’t hate them. You have to thank them, to teach you lesson in the most beautiful way. it’s the goodbye who hurt you, the fact that you want some ‘more’, and you have to realise it.

It was not a mistake at all. By this writing i understand one more lesson.


Since now, I will never hate you again. I will never hurt myself again to think that wrong statement of our relationship. I will see you as a person you helped me. And I will thank you for that. I don’t have to compare my next lesson with you. Because you are all different, and i know everyone will teach me different lessons. You are part of my life, and I can’t delete that from my life.

Here how I see you,


you are one of many pages of my life,
you give me lesson,

but, well, your page is over,
my book is a long way to go,
I can’t stuck in one page till I die,

You are meant to be passed on,
I’m not meant to read one page for my whole life,
And you should too,
And I can’t be mad at you if you did,

We all moved on,
we all turn pages of our life

and it’s not a bad thing or the things we should be sad about,
it’s just as simply as turning a new chapter of life,


and I know,

many pages are waiting for me,
they are ready to give me lessons,
so much more to learn,


this life is amazing and is a miracle,
we need so many lessons how to survive it,

we can’t live with just ‘that’ one lesson,
there’s still more to come.


and it’s a mistake if you think that you should stuck in one lesson.


so i am ready :)


to turn the page of my life book :)


I should close your chapter now,


thankyou, for everything :)
you’ve been an amazing chapter in my book


and you will always be one. :)